Wedding Crashers
by Sumomo San
Summary: Rated PG13 for language violence. My first ever fanfic, kind of old, just got around to submitting it. Kagome teaches the gang how to make s'mores... it's SUPPOSED to be funnyscary, okay? Tell me if you can think of a better title


Hey everyone! My name is Sumomo San, but I'm also known as Karma (or KarmaKitty) R&R warmly welcomed, but please be easy on me this is my first fanfic.

**FYI since it seems to edit out asterics I'll have to use underlines** **for actions.**

Disclaimer: I don't own the InuYasha characters, although I _do_ own your soul…

Rated PG-13 for some language and violence (and overall weirdness) Enjoy!

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Kagome, Miroku, Sango, Kirara and Shippo are sitting around a small fire at the edge of a forest on a clear night. InuYasha is of course sitting off from the group, against a tree. Kagome is showing the group how to make s'mores. Camera is focused on InuYasha whose eyes are overcast, his head resting on his chest. Where he is sitting it is dark, but where the others are the fire lights up their faces. Kagome, Shippo etc. can be seen in background 

Shippo: Is it done yet? shoves marshmallow on stick straight into the fire

Kagome: Erm… I don't think you want to burn your—

Shippo, not listening, pulls it out and immediately pops the flaming marshmallow into his mouth

Kagome's eyes widen

Shippo remains silent for a moment before jumping up, spitting out the marshmallow and screaming AAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Kagome: grabs a bottle of water Here! Drink this!

Shippo chugs the water

Camera turns slightly to focus on Miroku + Sango

Sango is letting her marshmallow roast by the edge of the fire when Miroku leans closer to her and accidentally causes Sango's marshmallow to fall off her stick.

Miroku: Oops! Sorry about that. We can share mine…

(Kagome is hugging a blubbering Shippo off to the side)

Sango: blushes Oh… No, that's okay, don't worry.

Miroku: sitting very close to Sango No, I insist, it's my fault you dropped yours. grins

Sango: Ahh… Okay, if you're sure.

Kagome: Me and Shippo are going for a walk… Be right back!smiles a bit too big

Shippo: We are…?

Kagome: grabs his hand Yup! drags him away

Camera watches Kagome and Shippo walk, or rather Kagome pull Shippo over to the edge of the forest and hide behind a tree

Shippo whispers: What are we doing Kagome?

Kagome: We need to give them… A little space smiles and winks

Shippo: Oh, are they gonna—

Kagome: shushes Shhh! Look—

Camera goes to Miroku and Sango

Miroku: pulls marshmallow off of stick and places it on a graham cracker My lady hands it to Sango and smiles goofily

Sango: … Thanks… takes graham cracker from Miroku

Sango and Miroku's hands touch while Sango is taking the s'more

Sango: blushes Sorry…

Miroku: Well, go on still smiling

Sango takes a bite

Miroku: How is it?

Sango: … Very good

Miroku: I'm glad -

Sango is aware that Miroku is watching her very closely and embarrassed, takes another bite.

Miroku: leans in very close, only a few inches from Sango's face … We are going to share, aren't we?

Sango, blushing like mad, closes her eyes and Miroku leans in even closer.

From somewhere in the distance: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Sango and Miroku, startled, scoot away from each other as Kagome and Shippo come running back over.

Camera goes back to InuYasha who lifts up his head and opens his eyes.

InuYasha: What the--! runs to group, camera follows Did you hear that?

Kagome: Yeah, I think its coming from inside that forest.

Sango, blushing a very, very, VERY bright red, looks away

Miroku, not flustered at all: What could it be? Do you think we better go and check?

Kagome: Yeah, someone may be in trouble… You go ahead, we'll be right behind you.

Miroku picks up his staff and him and InuYasha rush off towards the forest

Sango, trying not to make eye contact with Kagome, stands up and grabs her Hiraikotsu: D-do you think we better follow?

Kagome: Yeah, come on.

Kirara transforms and allows Sango, Kagome and Shippo to climb onto her back. Kirara takes off into the forest as camera follows

Kagome giggles and nudges Sango in the back -

Sango: W-what?

Kagome in sing-song voice: You were going to kiss him, you were gonna—

Sango cuts her off and turns to look at Kagome, revealing her flushing red face

Sango: N-no I wasn't!

Kagome: Then why are you blushing so much?

Sango: quickly turns away It was hot, I'm just… It's…

Kagome: Hee hee, don't deny it, besides its not like it's a—

Another scream, but this time in more than one voice rises from somewhere nearby

Kirara suddenly lands and lets out a nervous roar

Kagome: I sense a shard of the Shikon jewel! O.o

Sango jumps off and motions for Kagome to follow. They begin to run down a slight path worn down on the ground when Miroku come staggering towards them from the other direction

Kagome: Miroku! Where's InuYasha?

Miroku: eyes wide open I-it's horrible… points backwards and wanders a bit closer towards them

Kagome: What is it! Does someone need help?

Miroku falls over onto Sango who catches him

Kagome: You help Miroku; I'll go see what's wrong!

Sango nods and helps Miroku onto Kirara, Kagome runs towards where Miroku had pointed, camera follows, as does Shippo

InuYasha, from further down the path: YOU BASTARD! AGHHHHHHHH!

Kagome: InuYasha! turns a sharp corner and sees InuYasha clutching his side and standing away from…

Sesshomaru in a wedding dress next to a tuxedo sporting Jaken o.o

Kagome's jaw drops to the floor as Sesshomaru turns and notices her

Sesshomaru in a very excited school girl voice, personality resembling Aayame's from Fruits Basket: Oh! Kagome! You _must_ join the party! I was just getting little brother here motions towards InuYasha who has fallen to the ground and is gasping for air to be the best man! You'd make a _purrrrrrrrfect_ maid of honor! And ikkle Shippo-kins! turns his attention to Shippo who is clinging to Kagome's leg Our ring-bearer! Oh Jakeeeeen!

Jaken waves around his staff and knocks it on the ground causing a bouquet of flowers to appear in Kagome's arms, a bow tie on InuYasha's neck and a pillow with a ring in Shippo's hands. His staff, dressed for the occasion, has a top hat on the male head and a veil on the female. Out of the mouths comes a misty shroud of white powder that lunges at Kagome and Shippo, causing them to double over.

Kagome grabbing her throat coughing: Wh-what is this?

Shippo: Aaaahh! I can't move!

InuYasha struggles to pull himself up as Sango and Miroku come flying in on Kirara. Sango jumps off Kirara and rushes to Kagome's side while Miroku lays in a similar state to Kagome on Kirara

Sesshomaru: And just in time! Our priest has returned and brought us a bridesmaid!

Jaken causes his staff to give Sango a bouquet, Miroku a tie and bible and Sango and Kirara to fall over by Kagome's side.

Sesshomaru: And we're all set! It's time for the ceremony to begin!

InuYasha: What makes you think we're going to have any part in this, you sickos! coughs and uses his tetsusaiga to help himself stand shakily

Sesshomaru: Why, this, of course! points to the ring on Shippo's pillow

Kagome: weakly That's not a diamond… That's a shard of the sacred Shikon jewel!

InuYasha: Where the hell did you get that?

Sesshomaru: Tsk tsk… Little brother you need to learn your place... And on such a day as holy as this! Jaken!

Jaken waves his staff at everyone who has fallen, and out of the mouth comes a thick smoke this time in a dark grey. When the smoke settles everyone is standing up… but not by their on free will

Kagome thinking: _I'm standing up? But I can't move!_

Shiny threads that look like Yura's hair glint

Kagome: Can you see those strings? He's controlling us!

Miroku begins to walk forward

Miroku: Ahh, what are you doing!

Sesshomaru: giggles Come on, don't be a wet blanket!

Everyone raises and eyebrow at Sesshomaru, even Jaken

Sesshomaru: Places now!

The strings pull on InuYasha, Kagome, Sango, Miroku and Shippo's limbs and force them to walk where directed. Miroku stands in the middle. To his right is Kagome and Sango and his left is a struggling InuYasha.

Sesshomaru: How perfect! points a pink, manicured fingernail towards Shippo Come now, flower girl!

From the bushes a little girls voice sniffles "D-do I have to, master?"

Sesshomaru: Of course you do! in a whiny voice You pro-mised…

Rin, with tears in her eyes, walks up next to Shippo.

Jaken: Let the procession begin!

Rin wipes her eyes and walks towards Miroku, throwing petals on the ground half heartedly. Shippo follows, making his way up and then beside InuYasha. Jaken shuffles in front of Miroku to the left. Suddenly the female head on Jaken's staff opens its eyes and mouth and emits a horrible screeching sound to the tune of "Here comes the bride", which cues Sesshomaru to whirl his dress around and skip dramatically up the aisle and beside Jaken. The screeching stops and everyone stares at Miroku.

Sesshomaru: Well?

Miroku: No! There's no way I'm doing this!

InuYasha: We're not giving in that easy!

Sesshomaru: Hmm, what a shame. brings his right hand in front of his face and slowly makes a fist, which makes the strings wrap and constrict tighter I think you are, and what I say goes.

Miroku turns his face away and tries to drop the book.

Sesshomaru: We're going to have to teach you some manners now, aren't we, monk? takes his index finger and makes a small scratch on the side of Miroku's face Unless you want to be seeing more of my poison claws, licks the blood off his nails I think you'd better cooperate, right now.

InuYasha: You filthy bastard! I'm not afraid of you!

Sesshomaru puts his fingers to InuYasha's face. InuYasha tries to bite them.

Sesshomaru: Fiesty one, aren't we? makes a motion of zipping InuYasha's lips

InuYasha opens his mouth to say something but nothing comes out.

Sesshomaru smiles and turns to Miroku. A forced voice that doesn't sound like his own bursts out from his mouth and says "D-dearly beloved…"

Kagome thinking: _There's got to be something I can do to stop this! I mean, we all knew it would happen eventually but I certainly don't want to be part of it! OH DEAR GOD!_ turns her head away from Miroku who is reciting from the book and towards Sango and Rin _Just think of the honeymoon! We need to stop this whole thing!_ glances at Sango, who is also bound by the string… But Rin is not

Rin, looking blankly into space and ripping up the remaining petals in her basket notices that Kagome is staring at her and wipes her eyes again.

Kagome, whispering: Rin! We need to stop them!

A tear falls from Rin's eyes and she lowers her head.

Kagome looks around for a source of the strings. They are all coming from a web strung over a tree just behind Miroku.

Kagome, whispering, points at the tree: You need to destroy the web!

Rin looks up at Kagome, tears streaming down her face and nods slowly.

Miroku: Our couple has p-prepared their own vows…

Sesshomaru: My snuggle wuggle kissy-wissy smoochie-woochie honey-bunny fuzzy wuzzy…

Kagome whispers: making a gagging sound You need to do it _now_!

Rin looks from Kagome to Sesshomaru to the web a few times and makes a break for it. She grabs a stick and completely destroys it. All the strings loosen and fall uselessly to the ground.

Sesshomaru: Rin! No!

InuYasha takes his chance and attacks Sesshomaru with Iron Reaver Soul Stealer, sending his claws all the way through Sesshomaru's chest.

Sesshomaru looks down at the blood pouring from his wound: YOU MADE MY MASCARA RUN AND YOU RUINED MY GOOD DRESS? OH NO YOU DID-UNT!

Sesshomaru's eyes turn completely red and he attacks back at InuYasha in a blind fury. InuYasha and Sesshomaru continue to fight as Rin runs over to Jaken and bitch slaps him.

Rin: Stay away from my man, you dirty little reptile!

Jaken scratches back at Rin and a catfight breaks out.

Miroku grabs Sango: This is hot kisses her

Kagome's eyes widen as she looks over at InuYasha and Sesshomaru.

Sesshomaru: I'm sorry we always fight. Half demons are just as good as whole. I was always jealous of you… So to compensate I made fluffy. I wanted some rabid fangirls, too!

InuYasha: I'm sorry, too. I thought just because you were older I had to prove something and since you were more of a demon it meant you were more of a man—well, obviously not, but I mean...

Sesshomaru: Friends?

InuYasha: Friends.

InuYasha and Sesshomaru hug and both begin sobbing like little schoolgirls

Kagome thinking: _Hey, that's my job! .o_

Kagome looks over at Shippo who is wearing a top hat, a monocle, is holding a cane and is doing a dance number with Kirara. Sango and Miroku are making out, Sesshomaru and InuYasha are still hugging and crying and apologizing to each other and Rin and Jaken are in a heated catfight, clothes ripped to shreds and everything.

Kagome: Okay, I'm officially going crazy.

Suddenly Naraku flies in on Kagura's feather and lands right next to InuYasha and Sesshomaru.

Sesshomaru and InuYasha, still hugging, look up at him.

Naraku: It's time I let you know something. The only reason I fight with you is because… I questioned my sexuality for you, and you never seemed to feel the same way so I was playing hard to get.

Sesshomaru: You poor thing! hugs Naraku I'd go gay for you in an instant!

Naraku begins crying and hugs Sesshomaru back

InuYasha walks away from the cry-fest and over to Kagome.

Kagome: Let me guess. You're really a woman?

InuYasha: . . . How did you know?

Kagome falls over backwards. InuYasha catches her and says "I was just joking!"

Kagome mumbles "you could have fooled me…"

InuYasha: I really wanted to know…

Kagome: Yes?

InuYasha: . . . H-how do you… How do you feel about…

Kagome's eyes gaze lovingly up and InuYasha and her heart begins to pound in her chest

InuYasha: How do you feel about square dancing?

Suddenly a cowboy hat pops onto InuYasha's head and everyone is donning cowboy gear

Naraku: Yee-haw! Let's get that one pirate lady with the eye-patch to be the caller!

Kagome: -.- You mean Kaede?

Naraku: That's the one! Yo ho ho and a bottle of sexy!

Suddenly Kaede pops into the scene.

Kaede: Swing ye partner round and round…

Couples are as follows: Shippo and Kirara, Sesshomaru and Naraku, Rin and Jaken and Miroku and Sango.

InuYasha offers Kagome his hand and Kagome says "Sure, why not?" and takes it.

Just as they start to dance Koga runs in.

Koga: What are you doing with my woman? grabs Kagome's arm and tries to pull her away

InuYasha: She's MAI property now, bee-yatch!

Koga: Oh yeah? Let's settle this here and now!

Kaede: They're breakdance fighting!

Naraku: Oh! This is the perfect time to mention it—Can I interest any of you in some Mary Kay products?

Sesshomaru: Got any waterproof mascara, and some eyeshadow in magenta shade #207?

Naraku: Of course! breaks out his kit

Kagome: . . . Okay, this is too much. walks away from the scene and gets on her bike

Everyone: WAIT!

Kagome begins to peddle away when suddenly… The bike begins to fly.

Kagome screams and closes her eyes.

A soft voice hushes her and pats her arm.

Kagome opens her eyes and is looking up at her bedroom ceiling.

Kagome: If that was a dream… Then what is a nightmare? ..

InuYasha: I don't know…

Kagome: looks to her right InuYasha? What are you doing in my bed? jumps up

InuYasha: . . . Don't you remember last night? Jaken and Sesshomaru were getting married, and—

Kagome: So it wasn't a dream… It was a memory.

Koga: Yup. You blacked out though after you rode your bike off that cliff.

Kagome: turns to her left Koga! What are YOU doing in my bed!

Koga: Don't ask me, ask them points at the foot of the bed

Miroku, Sango, Shippo, Kirara, Naraku, Kaede, Kagura, Sesshomaru, Rin, Jaken, Kikyo and every InuYasha character that ever appeared on the showare sitting on her bed.

Kagome: Toto, I don't think we're in Tokyo anymore…

Miroku: Nope. We're in Kansas. And we're all related and living in a 2 room shack. See? She's sister mom points at Sango and that's uncle cousin points at Shippo and I'm nephew dad, and this one right hurr points at InuYasha is your brother husband.

Kagome passes out and begins having a dream about teaching Shippo, Miroku and Sango how to make s'mores…

THE END…?

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Itsumo, Sumomo-san 

Sequel:

Go back to the top and read it again xD

(Please leave a comment but be gentle! I repeat: This is my first fanfic I ever wrote!)


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